Je demanderai pardon pour m’être nourri de mensonge

(english) You're not letting her win

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 00:42:49 GMT

To be loved - Dawn's flowers

Roxane/Columbine - 1/X - EN

You are gorgeous. What she doesn't know is that you're pretty well aware of that. You're standing in the hall of the restaurant waiting for your fiancé. He is late, as usual and so you got the habit. What he doesn't know is that everyone in the restaurant is secretly looking at you — for five seconds of twenty minutes it depends. They are all looking at you, and she is part of the crowd. She is looking at you and she finds you gorgeous. She wants to kiss your lips until your lipstick stays on hers. She wants to hold you tight and she wants to feel your body.
You're not aware of what she wants. The only thing you know is that you're gorgeous, and your fiancé is late.

You don't even notice her looking at you when you're led to your table with your companion. He apologizes because you waited, and he tells you how beautiful you are. And you smile. Simply, you smile. You'll make him pay later. You are that kind of lady. You like manipulating people. In fact, you like manipulating men. They are so weak in front of you and you find them disgusting. You'll make him pay.
He orders one delicate dish and you ask for the same. Truth is, a lady like you doesn't care about what she eats if she's not paying. You know you'll eat half of the plate and then you'll listen to him speaking about his job, his life, and all these things you don't care about. And you'll smile.
You excuse yourself; you are going to ‘powder your nose’. You pass by an awful lot of tables and you smile at everyone who looks at you. You even smile at her and now she catches your attention. She's got hair as black as the night sky and eyes as dark as nightmares. She fascinates you. You want to speak to her. But you only pass by, you have no time for that, you are on a date with your fiancé.

You weren't paying that much attention when you got into the toilets. You stare at yourself in the mirror and you make sure your lipstick is vibrant red. You fix your hairdo and you wait a little. She walks in, and you notice it because of the cigarette she's lighting.
‘They say you're not allowed to smoke in there.’ You say.
‘I don't really care. I'm the biggest client of this hotel and restaurant.’
You look impressed. But not because of what she said, you're impressed of such a nonchalant behavior. It's as if she wasn't paying attention to you.
‘I'm a big client too, but I don't allow myself such…
- If you want I can give you a cigarette.
- I'd rather not…
- You've been staring at it from the very beginning.’

You are relieved; she didn't notice you were staring at her mouth and not the cigarette. She's got pale lips, she doesn't wear any make up. She's not wearing a dress; but a suit. She looks amazing in that suit.

‘I was staring at your lack of respect. I don't smoke.’
Lies, you do smoke, on the balcony of your room. You just don't want her to be advantaged. She surprises you by tossing her cigarette in the washbowl. She looks at you.
‘You're really pretty,’ she says. ‘You were waiting in the hall for a long time. I was watching you.
- Were you?
- I thought you were gorgeous.
- Well, thank you… now, if I may…
- My name is Roxane. You?
- Columbine. Now if you would excuse me.’
You leave the room and you're a little bit troubled. She was stunning and so arrogant towards you. When you sit at your table, your fiancé asks you if you're all right. You answer by nodding affirmatively. You're all right.
More than anything, you want to meet her again, and this time, you'll have the advantage. You're not letting her win.

(english) It began to snow

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 13:42:09 GMT

A day in our life - Fragile tension

Drazik/Océane - 1/1 - EN

Christmas day. He is still sleeping and you watch him dreaming because you don't feel like waking him up. It's Christmas day, it's cold outside, and holding him in the warmth of your bed makes it perfect.

You've never been a Christmas kid, because your parents never felt like so. You even recall, when in boarding school, all the guys would ask you what you would do for Christmas, and you would say ‘nothing, really’ because there never was such thing as Christmas in your family. The best was if you ate altogether, and if you didn't, it wouldn't have mattered.

One year, Océane asked you. If you did nothing for Christmas, he could ask his mother to have you over. That would be all right, he guessed, because no one deserved to be lonely for Christmas. And that was nice, because all of his family was like him: delightful and pleasant. His mother welcomed you and everyone was kind to you.
Just because no one deserved to be lonely for Christmas.

And so he is sleeping in those arms of yours and you watch the sky by the window you're facing. It's cloudy, and the clouds are gray. It doesn't look like it will be a great weather for Christmas and maybe you'll be staying at home then. It's always more comfortable at home.
Océane wakes up and you notice that he is still a little bit sleepy. He looks at you, with a tiny smile.
‘Merry Christmas Drazik’, he says. You kiss him on the cheek.
It began to snow outside.

(english) hard time

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 18:56:00 GMT

Glee

Finn/Kurt (kind of) - 1/1 - EN

You are given a hard time every time he looks at you, just because you know you tend to blush and he doesn't notice. Not at all.
He's the popular guy and you are just a geek in trendy clothes. The other guys you know of the football team pick on you, because you're not one of the cool kids in school. They just think you're one of those gay fashion twat. And it gets on your nerves but you never say so, because if you do, it'll be worse.

But him, he is different. He knows you've got qualities and that you're not just another fashionista. Well, you hope he does know that. Because you'd really like him to know more than that. That's just it. You'd really like him to know more about you.
Or, simply: You like him.

Admitting this was not easy at first but you got the idea in a very short time: He's part of the popular kids, he goes out with the most desired cheerleader. He will never look at you, just because you're a boy. And that hurts you a little but you got over. Because you got it that, having a little romance with a schoolmate is impossible. In high school, sometimes, the best place you can be is in the closet.

So you're given a hard time every time you see him but you got it. You understood that this relationship leads nowhere and that's fine.
Because you know that he doesn't like you the way you'd like him to.

(english) nothing special

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 14:57:23 GMT

A day in our life - Fragile tension

Drazik/Océane - 1/1 - EN

You've got nothing special. You're not beautiful, you're not an exception. You're not cleverer than anyone else. So what made him fall in love? You're been wondering for so long now. Sometimes he would say that it was for your looks, or simply for the way you are. You never understood it because you could say why you loved Océane so much.

It was for this delicate look of his, for his pale skin and his bright eyes. Also for his gentle manners and sweet smile. Maybe also because he was quite naïve and it felt so refreshing when you spoke to him.
Because he was the way he is, and that he never changed, you loved every single part of him that you knew.

But you. You were the bad apple, you were the one someone would like just because you are the rebellious type. You knew what you were doing back then, flirting around, being unkind when you weren't in a good mood. So what made him fall in love, what made him be so attached to you when you did nothing that deserved that?
In fact, you never noticed. But to him, you were kinder. At the beginning, you treated him like the others, and you were nothing of a sweet person. But then you found him touching — you kinda liked him. You thought he might deserve a little more than your rude words.
Before he was only attracted to you — because you never noticed just how charming you were — but because of your change of attitude, he fell in love for real. And he could never know because he never really noticed that change, he just thought you were actually becoming friends.

You've got nothing special, except that you made the difference between him and the others. You showed him that in fact, he mattered. He was no longer just your roommate: he was more than that. He was the guy you would speak to in the morning, have lunch with sometimes, and you would speak kindly to him. And you thought you had nothing special but you had the kindness that moved his heart.

(english) unless it's him

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 16:16:20 GMT

A day in our life - Boys in town

Douglas - 1/1 - EN

Your mother never really cared about you because you seemed to be okay without her caring. You were a nice boy, you were polite, and clever, and no one would tell you anything about your behavior.

If only. Of course everything was alright in her eyes. It would always be. Because she never knew what you had to go through.
Children are troublesome, it has always been a fact. Some are more than some others, but in the end, they remains as terrible as they can be. Thing is, you weren't one of those troublesome children. You were one of the well-behaved, because you knew it would only be worse for you if you dared be a disturbing kid.

Let's face it, you're a stranger for the other kids. You're not French, and do not speak French completely. You've got great basis but you lack of vocabulary and you still have this Scottish accent of yours that could be adorable if it weren't for your classmates.
They like to make fun of you because of this accent, for sure. They also call you ‘the redhead’ because you don't deserve being called by your name. It doesn't matter actually, you got used to that. Them calling you ‘the Scottish redhead’, ‘Poil de carotte’ or some other stupid nicknames they can come up with doesn't matter. You got over it, so the kids calling you like this is okay.

Unless it's him. Your wish is that he would never use those nicknames. Because, so far, he always called you by your name. And when he does so, ‘Douglas’ sounds like the most perfect name in history.

(french) Arrête de me regarder

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:45:37 GMT

The Aviary - about the chickadees

Major/Sombre - 1/1 - FR

'Arrête de me regarder comme ça' dit-elle, croyant sauver les apparences en détournant le regard. J'ai bien vu qu'elle allait pleurer. Je sais que c'était de ma faute.
Le remord aurait été le bienvenu, mais cet enfoiré était aux abonnés absents.

'Sombre, arrête de te refermer sur toi. Parle moi.'
Un silence. Son refus, c'est le silence. Je sais qu'elle ne parlera pas. Elle regardera ailleurs et m'ignorera.
Son refus, c'est m'ignorer, jusque ce que je refuse par moi même d'exister dans cette pièce.
Sa chambre, c'est son domaine. Je n'y peux rien, elle le maîtrise, elle fait ce qu'elle veut de cette pièce. Et de moi. Je fais partie de cette pièce, à ses yeux.

Je me lève en soupirant. Sombre ne me parlera pas, elle continuera de nier mon existence, et demain tout redeviendra normal. Comme d'habitude.
Devoir la gérer m'est difficile, et pourtant je l'aime de tout mon cœur. Elle est ma petite sœur et je l'aime comme elle est. Même si elle n'est pas normale. Je fais les efforts que je peux, je sais qu'elle aussi. J'ai mes travers autant que je reconnais les siens.

'Arrête je te dis. Arrête de me regarder.'
Et j'exécute son ordre. Sombre possède tout le contrôle sur moi.
Cette chambre est son domaine, je ne peux pas aller à l'encontre de sa volonté. Si je ne plie pas, elle pleurera. Et si elle pleure, j'ai perdu.
Ne pas la froisser. Sombre est fragile. Alors ne pas la faire pleurer, ne pas l'abîmer.
Ne pas la traiter comme les autres le font, ne pas être cruel. Ne pas être comme les autres, et trouver grâce à ses yeux.
Si elle pleure, j'ai perdu.